I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
