At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
