woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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