your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
