Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
