dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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