Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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