She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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