idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
