so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My feet surprised me
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