No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize