Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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