i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
