We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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