I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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