I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
