Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
