I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
