How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
