So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
