ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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