True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize