Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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