So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
