i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
