so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
