Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She told me I should be a condom model.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
