If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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