i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
