Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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