Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
