Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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