so that wasnt chicken after all
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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