He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
