so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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