I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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