Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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