My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
