yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
