New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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