Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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