The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
