i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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