shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
