I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
