I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize