We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
love makes seman taste better
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
