He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
