this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I touched a dick in church today
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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