So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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