Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
