I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
