I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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