you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
