you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
