peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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