What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
