i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
