Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
