Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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