I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
