You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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