i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
