so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
