she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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