420 ftw
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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