fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
well you can't waste a boner
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
