did you get engaged???
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
