I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
