i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
smell my finger.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
