Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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