Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this will be a night to untag.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
