so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
