Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
where does the pee come out of this thing
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
