So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
