she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We need to get me chipped asap
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
